Life Planning, Engagement and such

WOW! A lot has happened in the short time since my last blog post. Unfortunately I am a year older, fortunately it was finally to an age worth aging for, 21!!! Oh yeah, that's right bitches! I can legally drink! I am taking advantage of this new found freedom too. Not to mention my birthday was fucking rad. I had a great time going to bars and drinking good and bad drinks! I went to the Walrus in Boulder and thanks to Brooke and Leeah, I had a prank drink called tidal wave where I had to drink a martini drink in 3 seconds and it would be free, I was not very confident I could do it but fuck it was my birthday so I went for it. Needless to say, I received a tidal wave, the bartender threw a glass of water on me! Ha it was hilarious. The night counting to midnight of my bday I started drinking at home with Cody, Melissa, Chris, Roy & my girl. Then we headed to the bar by my place literally outside my door. I had 2 shots and sadly I was done...lol that's what happens when you give someone a nasty fucking shot that is called a "prairie fire" (whiskey and Tabasco) Nasty shit right there. I also had my first beer with my bro and Dad. I will admit I don't like beer but it was nice to have that kind of bond with the guys in my family. Anyways enough about my birthday, that was 2 months ago. ha! Oh but also I got my tat!!! Yeah! and I love it, amazing!

The bigger news though, which there is not a soul that I talk to who doesn't already know but, I am engaged! Yupp its true. Love is real and I have had it for the past almost 5 years. It was in bed one night that it hit me, its crazy that even laying next to someone asleep how much you could miss that person. I knew that from the moment I started dating her that we had something different, something special. After about 5 years I felt/feel that we have been there for each other through some crazy times the good and the bad. I just realized how much I love her and that I was ready for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Those thoughts might have seemed sudden to people on the outside but to me they have been there for a while. I am old fashioned so there was one thing I had to build my courage up and do, ask for her Dad's blessing. I walked into that one with confidence thinking it would go all as planed in my head. I woke up that morning, with my heart racing, all confidence was lost with the nights dreams. I still didn't think he was going to say no, I think...right? Well as the day pressed on and each hour got closer, I got more and more nervous and anxious. We met for dinner at Village Tavern and I tried to make small talk for as long as possible. In my mind I was still contemplating when to ask the big question, before we eat, mid dinner, after dinner...Finally I asked right after we got our food. I took 2 bites...I talked and listened and reasoned and laughed and honestly, it didn't go how I planned in my head but it didn't go bad. At first I felt a bit shot down and if I had let it I could have cried about it, and again honestly, I almost did. Then I thought about it and I reasoned to myself, there is nothing to cry about, he likes me, no he likes us, Ali and I. He didn't say no, he told me what he would like to see for us and I appreciate that, I value it too, but ultimately that is why I asked for his blessing not his permission, because either way I was and will be marrying his daughter, there was no way this girl, this woman would be leaving my arms ever. In life we are in it to win it and I sure as hell won with her! Oh yeah! I can't even describe to anyone what we have, its a one in a million trillion five hundred billion google infinity trillion kind of relationship. We complete each other and I can't imagine the world without her. Yeah, shes pretty fantastic. So I got through dinner with her Dad, one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. It was a big step for me too, and I am proud of myself if that's not too selfish to say.

Before I went to dinner with her Dad though, I started looking at rings. I feel bad because I asked some people to go with me to look at rings, but I kinda just took this one on my own. I feel extremely happy with what I chose though. I had ideas of what she liked, and from others my ideas were right, but of course I would know, I think I would know after 5 years with her what she likes ha!

I kept thinking how am I going to propose? She always told me that when ever I did that it had to be something creative. I did some research and came up with all the same unoriginal ideas...and other ideas that were cool but unrealistic. It needed to be something that applied to us as a couple. The end result, a ribbon that had keys (we collect keys, its our thing, hence I got a tattoo of a key) and in between each key was photos of us through the years. On the back of each photo was a letter spelling out, w-i-l-l-y-o-u-m-a-r-r-y-m-e-? <--the "?" was on the ring box.

The dinner--I told her to get ready for "date night" and told her to get fancied up. I am surprised but she had no idea of what was coming. I had her blindfolded for the car ride to dinner, I didn't want her to know where we going until we got there. The Melting Pot. We had our Yin Yang drinks, she thought we were just going to dinner there because they were part of 5280 week, but little did she know. We got half way through dinner before main entree and dessert and I gave her, her present. I caught it all on film too! Yay! Just so some day we can take a trip down memory lane. She started going through the photos and keys and kept smiling, I told her to look at the back and she got to "marry" and looked at me and I got down on one knee and well, you know the rest as portrayed in movies. Of course, she said yes! And we both shed some tears of joy and passionate kisses, and the warmest embraces. It was a fantastic night, dinner was amazing, our waitress even gave us free champagne! ( I did not enjoy the champagne but glad I got to try it, and we got to keep the flutes-glasses)

Now comes the fun part, planning a wedding. We have barely started and I have hit turmoil with my family wanting to have it there way. The one thing I will say is this is our big day, things will go how and where and when we want. For anyone that doesn't know, we are thinking either this October or next. I am leaning towards this year but it is up to Ali, I do not want her to feel pressured or rushed into anything so to anyone that is helping plan the wedding reading this, do not pressure her or I might have some more words for you. What she says goes. On a lighter note I am super excited for our wedding, and a fall one at that! Yeah!

On a different subject I have been looking at some things that will potentially change our lives. Location and school. Location meaning, moving. I never thought I would want to move out of state but the thought has been dancing around my head a lot lately. I even started looking at apartments and cost of living in some other states. The candidates are New Hampshire and Oregon, which my research told me are some of the cheaper states for cost of living. Not to mention they are both beautiful locations, especially for people who love autumn, mmm. I am picturing it now and it would be amazing. the only things that scare me are, obviously, being out of Colorado, what would I do without the mountains for my directional landmark reference? Also I would be away from my friends and family, I know we would meet new people but that would be hard. Also not knowing the land or laws or anything like that. But the thought of starting fresh somewhere as newly weds would be exciting. Just an idea as of now, but we have the rest of our lives to decide where to go and what to do. As for school, I am talking to Ali about us both going back together, it would be nice. I would love for us to be able to help each other while we learn.

Anyways I have a lot of stuff to think about and plan, such is life, can't plan it to the T but go with the flow and Live.

Good night

True colors

It's crazy that a photo of someone can make you feel such an extreme emotion. Looking at this photo of someone that is not really a part of your life and feeling like somehow its your fault when really it's not. Wow...I am realizing more and more every day that something is wrong with me...I am extremely too much of a people pleaser. I feel like this stops me from fully showing my true emotions. I am too worried what others might think. I don't know how I got this way but thats how I am. I am Mr. Nice guy... Gah I hate that. I hate being the person that always says yes, the person that gets taken advantage of because they can read you like an open book...Back to that person, I can't help but think how I don't even know this person who is an important figure in one's life. At the same time I feel like I am hurting others by wishing I knew this person. There I go again thinking of others. Not to say that thinking of others is bad but sometimes, like in my case, I need to think about myself sometimes...

Speaking of me, my birthday is almost here. Not that I am really that excited. I keep going back and forth...I guess I am excited for the minor things about it...New drivers license, day off work...finally time with Ali is what I am most excited for. I could use some time with the love of my life.

On a random note, I want a washer and dryer. I think I also want to move when our lease is up here. I will always have a fondness for our first place but I think we can do better ;)

In other news, my tattoo is flaky and itchy haha. I think I will need to go get some touch up work done on it but it still looks great! I do not regret my decision. With it now I feel a little bit more bad ass. HA!

Anyways I think that is all for now...

Honeymoon in Japan...oh what a dream!

I got sucked in to the movie Pom Poko, a Hayao Miyazaki animated film. It was extremely strange but very thought provoking...It makes me feel like we should respect our land more and not take anything for granted. It also makes me really want to visit Japan. I would love to see both the historical lands of Japan with its temples and beautiful forests, and also the city part of Japan like Tokyo and Shibuya. It is on my list of things to do before I die, to visit Japan. The more I think about it, it would be extremely amazing if Ali and I could take our honeymoon in Japan! That would be simply amazing! Ah such a great idea! She would love the shopping and I would love the photo opportunities and just the thought of being in Japan. How amazing.

On other news I have gotten my key tattoo and I must say it turned out awesome! I am still getting used to seeing it, and it is a bit bigger than I had originally wanted but thats alright. If I had gone any smaller than I would have lost the detail. I love it though and it has everything I wanted in my tattoo and most of all I am glad that my favorite person in the world designed it for me (with my constant prodding and asking for specific details to be included).

Well its almost my 21st birthday and I still don't have an exact idea as to what my plan for getting wasted is going to be but I know I will be drinking haha.

I don't have much else to say right now, I am gonna pass out after I finish my sweet tea! haha I felt like having sweetened black tea tonight, how odd.

Good night

To care or not to care? ah whatever

So another day has passed and the world goes on. Today started out just like any other day, I woke up around noon and got up just before work to do nothing. I really don't need to be parading this information but at this very moment I really just don't care in complete honesty. My boss talked to me and told me that my DM (district manager) is concerned that my friendships with employees is getting in the way of my leadership. I think that is a load of shit. Well as to most things I can see where she would get the idea....well let me explain. I am considered "Mr. nice guy" at work. I know what my strengths and my weaknesses are. Once upon a time just before I became a shift this kid named Josh started at Starbucks. At the time I was excited to have a new friend, but little did I know that we would become best friends. After I became a Shift supervisor I learned that technically shifts are not suppose to hang out with Batista's outside of work, but our store was so close that it didn't seem to matter. I got some warnings so to say, about not letting my friendships affect my ability to lead at work. In my opinion I didn't think it was that bad. Looking back, now that Josh no longer works at sbux, I can see that maybe I let it affect me. At the time I would have taken a friendship like that over working at Starbucks, its a job and like they say "it's just coffee." As for right now I don't think I am letting any friendships at work affect my abilities to lead. I can honestly say that I work my ass off. I put a lot of effort into making other people happier than I am. I work through my lunches for the sake of getting out on time. I skip my lunch because I know there isn't enough time in the day if we want to get out on time. I feel like I communicate very well, I sell the product and I fulfill my job description. I don't know how else I can say or show that I do my job and I do it well. I may not be perfect but no body is. So what I can say is that I know the things that I need to improve upon and I am working on it. I need to stop trying to please others, because not everyone is going to be happy, so they need to get the fuck over it and move on. There is going to be a change in me, it will be difficult but I need to take a stand and apparently show that I am a leader. Apparently leaders cant be nice, and you can't be friends (that's not going to happen). I am sorry but if you can't have friends in your place of work, then whats the point of getting to know someone and being around them all the time if you can't get along with them? I am not saying you have to go out and party or eat or anything with these people but if you can't build relationships with the people that you might see more than your significant other or family...then there is a problem. Anyways I think I am repeating myself in different ways. On my drive home tonight I was thinking about this talk with my boss and it started to make me feel like others should feel bad for me, then I started think to hell with it and that I didn't care, then I started not knowing what to think. I am past it now for the most part, I know what action needs to be done and it will happen. I am just tired of work right now. I feel like I get the brash out of a lot of things...and all I can say is that I feel like hard work often times goes unnoticed at our store...I am beyond ready for something new. I used to really enjoy working at Starbucks but as of late it has become more and more obvious to me that it is a job. I am ready for a career.

On that note, last night I posted on facebook that I have a mix of young friends and older friends. Having younger friends makes me wish I were fresh out of high school and going to college and having fun. Having older friends makes me wish I were getting married. As for the marriage thing, which, might I add, a lot of people are prodding me to do, I have been thinking about it often. I would love for Ali and I to get married as there is no doubt in my mind we will be together the rest of our lives. It all goes back to that one thing, the topic of yesterdays blog...Money! I want to give her everything she wants and deserves. I want us to have an amazing wedding. I also need to talk to her Dad and ask for his daughters hand in marriage, as I am old-fashioned like that. I have been saying that I didn't want to get married until I could at least legally drink too and that will be soon! All the talk of settling down and buying a house and getting married used to annoy me but now the thought of it seems like a fantasy and a reality that I want more than a lot of other things right now.

On a lighter subject, I am extremely pleased to announce that I am ready for my next tattoo and am arranging a date. I can't wait! It is the only thing that I am looking forward to right now, and the fact that I am turning 21 and now can legally drink after a long day at work! Cuz God knows I could use some booze after some of these days!

Well that is all I have for now.

Out(.)(.) <---yupp those a boobs. Yeah I know...real mature, but Idgaf

Fresh Start

It's about time I start blogging again...I could sure use a new hobby or time killer if you will. Not that this is a new hobby, more like a fresh start on a long lost hobby. Now that Ali and I have moved on our own and we work almost complete opposite schedules most days, I find myself up all night while she is an early bird. It makes me sad but such is life I suppose. I have been feeling very off lately. I need change and I don't know where that change lies...I have been looking for a second job, not to replace Starbucks of course. I want to become a coffee master but...long story short "I may not be the right candidate." Whatever that means. This is going to sound extremely pathetic, especially after that last bit but, I feel like I shouldn't have dreams because they are impossible to reach. That may not be worded quite correct...I feel like the things I want in life are just not there for me, and if they are maybe I am not doing everything possible to reach them. I want to go back to school and this is an internal struggle that others semi warned me about but that still doesn't change the circumstances that surround the situation. You see it comes down to one thing that I just don't have, the root of all evil.

Money.

It's a love hate relationship and that my friends is why I am looking for a second job, not that I want one but I want money so I can actually move my life into progression instead of a stand still. My life is in a rut, its not bad by any means but I still get down because, yes I will say it, I am emotional. I listen to one song and it changes my mood entirely. I love music for that very reason though. It takes you to memories, good and bad. Sometimes when I listen to music its like watching a movie in my brain. I envision horror scenes a lot though. (weird huh?) I think about this one a lot; If I were to die in some kind of accident, how would the ones I love react? I think about how Ali would feel and it literally breaks my heart at how she would feel and the look on her face and it makes me cry. That is so strange I agree...I don't know why I think about that, it also goes along with the whole thinking about life after death and the whole God thing and I really can't stand to think about that at all, it really freaks me out!

So now that its a new year and I have yet to actually stick to my new years resolution, which was to eat better (actually eat 3 meals a day, I always skip breakfast!) and in the back of my head start working out again, I would like to add another one that I may be able to manage, haha. I would like to start reading more, anyone have any book suggestions? I think that the gym one could be fixed if I could get over going to the gym alone, but alas I have yet to. As for eating better that could be fixed if I actually got up at a decent time and that would be possible if I were in bed now instead of blogging! Ha! They are works in progress I suppose.

It is almost my birthday, my 21st to be exact. It is weird to think that about a year ago I got my first tattoo. Now I am thinking about my next one, which I have been begging Ali to design for the past year and in the last week we have made so much progress we are about done with it and I am ready to get it! I am extremely excited! It all comes back to the thing I dread the most, money. I know I don't need to spend money on a tattoo but that is why I am asking for anyone to chip in for my birthday. There are a million things I don't need, but whats the point of having money if you don't get to spend some on the things you want. As for Ali and I, we aren't doing too bad for money with our apartment and food and etc. I was really scared to move out but now that we are on our own it is bliss. I love being able to wake up next to the love of my life and spending evenings (that we actually have together) staying up watching movies and making milkshakes and doing anything we want to just cuz we can! I love it. Now I am looking forward to moving when our lease is up here, not that I don't like it here, because the way I see it, this was my first place, it will always have a fond place in my heart. :) I would just love to not have to spend my days off at the laundromat. You really don't realize what little things you take for granted until you don't have them, story of our lives right? Its funny that anyone thinks their life is different from any ones but the crazy thing is that there is a world full of people out there that the possibility of you being the only one to feel a certain way about something is completely out of question and reason. That was so deep. I think I will end on that note.

I feel good about this. I miss blogging, its nice to get things out in the open, even if no one else reads it.

Peace motha lickas