Fresh Start

It's about time I start blogging again...I could sure use a new hobby or time killer if you will. Not that this is a new hobby, more like a fresh start on a long lost hobby. Now that Ali and I have moved on our own and we work almost complete opposite schedules most days, I find myself up all night while she is an early bird. It makes me sad but such is life I suppose. I have been feeling very off lately. I need change and I don't know where that change lies...I have been looking for a second job, not to replace Starbucks of course. I want to become a coffee master but...long story short "I may not be the right candidate." Whatever that means. This is going to sound extremely pathetic, especially after that last bit but, I feel like I shouldn't have dreams because they are impossible to reach. That may not be worded quite correct...I feel like the things I want in life are just not there for me, and if they are maybe I am not doing everything possible to reach them. I want to go back to school and this is an internal struggle that others semi warned me about but that still doesn't change the circumstances that surround the situation. You see it comes down to one thing that I just don't have, the root of all evil.

Money.

It's a love hate relationship and that my friends is why I am looking for a second job, not that I want one but I want money so I can actually move my life into progression instead of a stand still. My life is in a rut, its not bad by any means but I still get down because, yes I will say it, I am emotional. I listen to one song and it changes my mood entirely. I love music for that very reason though. It takes you to memories, good and bad. Sometimes when I listen to music its like watching a movie in my brain. I envision horror scenes a lot though. (weird huh?) I think about this one a lot; If I were to die in some kind of accident, how would the ones I love react? I think about how Ali would feel and it literally breaks my heart at how she would feel and the look on her face and it makes me cry. That is so strange I agree...I don't know why I think about that, it also goes along with the whole thinking about life after death and the whole God thing and I really can't stand to think about that at all, it really freaks me out!

So now that its a new year and I have yet to actually stick to my new years resolution, which was to eat better (actually eat 3 meals a day, I always skip breakfast!) and in the back of my head start working out again, I would like to add another one that I may be able to manage, haha. I would like to start reading more, anyone have any book suggestions? I think that the gym one could be fixed if I could get over going to the gym alone, but alas I have yet to. As for eating better that could be fixed if I actually got up at a decent time and that would be possible if I were in bed now instead of blogging! Ha! They are works in progress I suppose.

It is almost my birthday, my 21st to be exact. It is weird to think that about a year ago I got my first tattoo. Now I am thinking about my next one, which I have been begging Ali to design for the past year and in the last week we have made so much progress we are about done with it and I am ready to get it! I am extremely excited! It all comes back to the thing I dread the most, money. I know I don't need to spend money on a tattoo but that is why I am asking for anyone to chip in for my birthday. There are a million things I don't need, but whats the point of having money if you don't get to spend some on the things you want. As for Ali and I, we aren't doing too bad for money with our apartment and food and etc. I was really scared to move out but now that we are on our own it is bliss. I love being able to wake up next to the love of my life and spending evenings (that we actually have together) staying up watching movies and making milkshakes and doing anything we want to just cuz we can! I love it. Now I am looking forward to moving when our lease is up here, not that I don't like it here, because the way I see it, this was my first place, it will always have a fond place in my heart. :) I would just love to not have to spend my days off at the laundromat. You really don't realize what little things you take for granted until you don't have them, story of our lives right? Its funny that anyone thinks their life is different from any ones but the crazy thing is that there is a world full of people out there that the possibility of you being the only one to feel a certain way about something is completely out of question and reason. That was so deep. I think I will end on that note.

I feel good about this. I miss blogging, its nice to get things out in the open, even if no one else reads it.

Peace motha lickas